I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
