going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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