I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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