I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
