Soap is not a condiment
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
