sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i need an iv and a liver transplant
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
