I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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