her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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