Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
