Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're a waste of cheezeits
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Damn victory sex feels great
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
