great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
FUCK WHALES
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
