I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
