Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
