The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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