plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
