the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i out mim tonsoeep
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