fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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