yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
