After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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