OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
