you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
