I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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