She said her name was "party"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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