wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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