i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
