if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
