we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
