maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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