A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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