I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't turn off my feet"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
