During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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