Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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