I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
