so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
