Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I will be naked everywhere
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
