I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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