No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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