I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
