Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
