if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
