We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
