He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
