I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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