You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
