Got a toothbrush?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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