She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
