i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
