I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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