Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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