I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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