Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
