May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
