Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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